Counting Sheep

I tried to write a song this evening....but gave up after ten minutes.

I don't know why I'm having such difficulty. I feel as though there are a thousand songs piled up inside me and I'm bursting at the seams. What a shame it would be if I were to rupture without having had the chance to record any of them. But for now my mediocre attempts at recording these songs will have to do. Better that than have no music at all...


It's been another two weeks. I'm coming to the conclusion that I don't like blogging. Well, I definitely prefer it to keeping a journal....still stuck on the first entry of my journal which I started mid September. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have to revisit everything that has happened in that time. That requires feeling and thinking things I'd rather not, all over again... That and I thrive off procrastination.

There is one thing about this blog that I can say with complete certainty. I start writing an entry when I want to avoid sleeping. One other thing that works real well for me when I want to avoid slumber is that I count sheep. I'm sure you all have heard that counting sheep is a method most commonly used to fall asleep. Bollocks. I have never found it to be the case for myself and can't see it working for anyone else either. Consider blogging my form of counting sheep. 


I have two weeks left in Camrose...13 days exactly. And thank the heavens for that!! I don't know what to say about my time here. It has been exhausting. I could really do with a change of scenery. 
I'm not sure if I'll miss it. Right now, I certainly don't think I'll miss it here. Though there are some things about the place I have grown fond of. Here's a list of them:
1. I have really enjoyed getting to know Tiff, my supervisor at Sahakarini. She has been a breath of fresh air amidst the chaos of this program. I've learnt a lot from her and her perspectives on the world, development, and human nature... She's a quality individual, the likes of which I rarely come across. She has given me much to think about, mainly about myself and what I believe...but I needed that. 
2. I have found some beauty in this town. I've come to appreciate the wide and unencumbered skies. The night sky here is gorgeous. I could lay outside and watch the stars all night... I don't have that desire so much back home...
3. I have met many people. Some great, some not so much. Regardless of the fact, I am thankful for all the connections I have made and the people I have gotten to know. Back home I am comfortable.  For the most part, I wouldn't bother stepping outside of my social circle. Here I have had the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life. That has been very refreshing. 
4. I like walking down the street and seeing someone I recognize. I feel that if I had had the opportunity to stay here a bit longer I would really have developed my own sense of community and belonging. It's not so easy (but still possible) to do that in the big city. 
5. I have grown quite fond of my host parents. I am not looking forward to leaving them. They have been so good to me and have made me feel like I truly was part of the family. Though, I am already planning on coming back (surprising?) to visit them again. It's only a 14.5 hour drive after all. So it's not really a goodbye...more a see you later...


So there you have it. I can think positively when I put my mind to it :)
Anyways. What can I say about these past two weeks? I'll spare you the details of the program itself and give you a summary of highlights instead.
 
We were asked to help out with the Augustana campus (U of A) sustainability week FreeCycle event. It ended up going pretty well! People had to bring in whatever junk they wanted to get rid of whether it be clothes, furniture, books, whatever... Then after all the stuff was collected anyone could come in, by donation, and help themselves to whatever they desired! Donations went to this organization called Christmas Presence.  Talk about a small world, but the girl in charge of the whole event is from Vancouver, and lived right off of Commercial as well! The money goes towards purchasing winter items for those in need living in the downtown Eastside. She and a small group head to the Eastside on Christmas Day and hand out the clothing, blankets, food and whatever else they have. She started this up all on her own and it's grown quite a bit since then. An amazing cause...I'm definitely taking part next year. 


On the Saturday, we were invited to participate in a traditional Cree tea ceremony on the Hobbema reserve about 45min outside of Camrose. I have never experienced anything quite like it. The ceremony was carried out by a group of elders and is put on in celebration or thanks following a tragic event. This one was put on by this guy who suffered a massive heart attack exactly a year before. He attributed his recovery to the prayers and support of his loved ones. The ceremony was put on to offer blessings to those who blessed him...it was quite something. They started off with the pipe ceremony and prayers. Then we had a meal, where we had to sit and wait until a group of boys/men served each and every single person in the room. Then and only then were we allowed to eat...so the food was a bit cold by the time we got started... After that they had the singing and drums. I have newfound appreciation for the aboriginal people and their history and tradition. I definitely have a lot more to learn about a culture that is so integral to the country I live in...


To continue on the theme of aboriginal history, I invited this guy with a graduate degree in Native studies to come in and speak to us on colonization in Canada. It was great. I was glad for the opportunity to learn from someone who not only grew up in a reserve, but spent his life studying his people, history, and culture. I appreciated the way he led the conversation. It wasn't so much one individual pointing his finger at the guilty party, but more someone who actually knew what he was talking about putting the situation into perspective. One thing he said that really stuck with me was that it's one thing to be aware...it's another to take action based on that awareness. We can talk until the cows come home about all that is wrong with the world..but it means absolutely nothing until we act and move towards change. Whatever that change might look like...


Ok. So Herbi (one of my favorites) and I went to see a show at a pub. We ended up seeing a local Edmonton band (punk/folk/ska?) play and then hanging out with the band members afterwards. Man, was it ever nice to talk to guys for a change. We went to this shady pub called the Windsor. I'm not even sure how to describe the place. There was an old country cover band playing, shuffle board, everyone in there was sketchy, >50, and very drunk, AND there were giant animal heads plastered all over the walls. Definitely my kind of...club...
OH! The best part of this, is that the place is owned by...of all people...Sri Lankans! Quite possibly the only Sri Lankans in town too. Ha...go figure. Needless to say. It was a good night. Met some great guys, listened to great music, and had a great time.

Halloween was alright. I dressed up as a bag of Jelly Bellys. It was the easiest thing I could find and put together the day of. But, it was quite possibly the best costume I've ever had. I wore a clear plastic garbage bag and filled them all with little multi-coloured balloons. I tied myself up and made a Jelly Belly sign by hand. I'm not going to lie...I was pretty fricken' cute. Though it was incredibly difficult to sit down or do anything for that matter. Now I know what it feels like to be in my third trimester carrying triplets. 


I'm usually not this lucky, but lately I've come across artist after artist that have renewed my faith in the world.  I don't know what it is about a Swede's genetic composition, but my word, the music that comes out of that country.... If there were ever a good reason for gene therapy, this would be it.
The spotlight artist this week is Nina Kinert. She's friends with Ane Brun which automatically makes her genius. I have fallen in love with her entire album 'Pets and Friends', but there are a couple songs that have stuck with me.

This particular one is called 'The Story Goes'. I've been feeling a lot of things lately...alot of which is given voice through this song. It's amazing that I have space to feel outside of this program...my limits reach further than I ever imagined! This song spoke to me more than most do (which is saying a lot). I'm in that place right now, that place of figuring out what exactly my story is and how it's supposed to continue....
I would give anything to shoot my demons down...but that means accepting that my story goes on. It also means that some people are, as she says, never to come back. I hate leaving stories behind...especially when they didn't go the way I would have wished. But I hate leaving people behind even more.



Goodnight for now.